what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize