Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
