The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
