Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
