All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
