Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
