Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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