Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize