they need to just BURY HIM!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
