sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
