I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
