I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
