listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
