everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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