He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
pray to the hookup gods
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
