Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
