Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
