I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
