I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
