Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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