Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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