White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
