Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
