You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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