You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
