He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
