am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
