So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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