This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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