I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
