just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
