I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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