when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
