First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize