I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
