part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
