This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
