the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
