He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
