it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
