I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
