Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Ladies don't puke and tell
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize