I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
