i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
