i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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