i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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