Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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