he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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