bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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