i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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