I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
