It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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