I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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