he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize