this just has baby written all over it
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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