Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
