Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
