The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
