I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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