his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
