It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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