Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
