I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
