Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
