Apparently you make a good broom.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
