Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
