I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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