Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
