then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
