Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
