Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
only you would photoshop your dick
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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