Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
