That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize