Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
