ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
soo... how was my night?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize