I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
