it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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