Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
