oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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