Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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